Conflict is a normal part of life. We experience it in business and in ministry. Just last night my 20-year-old got home from his shift at a fast-food restaurant. Fifteen minutes before his shift ended he made an honest mistake, he forgot to add a dessert to the order. The customer was upset. I get it—I take dessert very seriously too. But she went off on my son and on his manager. As a pastor I’ve had adrenaline and cortisol course through my body like a bolt of lightning more times than I want to remember. A Christian brother or sister, wanting something and seeing me as the source of their disappointment. Sometimes I was. Sometimes I wasn’t. But the conflict was just as real either way.
Conflict happens!
So let’s learn how to navigate it with skill and love. How? Donald Miller’s recently released book, Business Made Simple, talks about this in Day 3’s reading about drama in the workplace. Miller writes, “A crucial question to ask during a dramatic situation is this: How would a calm and calculated person handle this situation?” I love that! And it lines up perfectly with the Bible’s teaching on conflict management.
The Wisdom of Scripture to Help You
Here are 3 keys from the Bible about how a calm and calculated person would handle drama, whether at work or in ministry settings:
Seek to understand first, then to be understood. (Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19)
Get the facts before reaching a conclusion. (Proverbs 18:2 & 18:17)
Refuse to listen to gossip; encourage direct communication. (Proverbs 26:20-21)
Bonus thoughts on handling conflict in the Bible:
Frame conflict as a problem to be solved, not a battle to be won (Matthew 5:9; Romans 12:18)
Don’t hold a grudge; turn the page (Proverbs 17:9)
That’s calm and collected stuff!
How do you handle drama in constructive ways?
Managing Feedback
Another related area of business and ministry that makes us squirm is the process of giving and receiving feedback. On a scale of one to ten, how good are you at receiving feedback? I remember a saying the man who discipled me my sophomore and junior years of college shared with me. I was in Frank and Mary’s kitchen and he said, “When people criticize you, even if it’s not valid, look for the kernel of truth in what they said.” It was good advice.
Feedback is essential to personal development and growth. Why do you and I fight it? Insecurity? Ego? Shame? Stubbornness? Fear?
The Feedback Factor
Day 4’s reading in Business Made Simple gives this business advice, “Accepting and metabolizing feedback can be your secret weapon to becoming a powerful, competent professional.” I think you could just as easily substitute “professional” with “ministry leader.” Feedback is like strength training in the gym. It’s what we need to be our best.
Again, the wisdom of Proverbs agrees 100%. Here are 3 general principles you can put to work yourself to make feedback your friend.
Honest feedback creates trust (Proverbs 27:6)
Receiving feedback requires humility but develops into maturity. (Proverbs 13:10 & 19:20)
Giving and receiving feedback is a leader’s secret weapon. (Proverbs 16:13)
Here’s a great closing thought:
Proverbs 24:6 “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”
Who do you need to give some feedback to this week at work? In your ministry role?
Who do you need to receive feedback from? How could you ask them for it and get ready for receiving it?
Glen Stevens is a former pastor turned spiritual entrepreneur. In 2020 he started a coaching business called Teleion, LLC. Through Teleion he helps ambitious business leaders who put a high value on faith and relationships to flourish by growing their companies and integrating their faith. This positions those leaders to make our world a better place to live, work, and worship for everyone. Simultaneously, Glen is launching a multiplying network of micro-churches that truly love people who are disinterested in and skeptical of any church they know of so they can experience the life-transforming love of Jesus.
Glen and his wife, Jill, live in Fargo, ND. They have four adult children. His business website is www.teleioncoaching.com